The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer is imperative reading for any woman who has ever, with a heart so full it hurts, gazed lovingly at her sleeping child only to then glance at herself in the mirror and see a woman she no longer recognizes. It’s a story of four women. Four mothers. They are intelligent and educated and all held powerful positions before leaving the workforce to have children. Yet, even despite the comfortable privilege of their middle/high income New Yorker lives, each in her own way is suspended between who she is and who she always thought she would be.

For those wanting a light-hearted read, this is not it. Wolitzer is a brilliant - and complex - writer. The stories of these women and those with whom they live are not simple snapshots. They are portraits with the deep angles and dark shading of reality and the consequences of choices we all make as mothers, daughters, and wives. The consequences: they brim with both gratitude and regret.

There are several themes that run throughout the novel, but perhaps the most encompassing is feminism. The women – one a daughter of a prominent feminist, one a bohemian artist, one a statistician, and another who was voted the most promising in her college graduating class – have lived their lives expecting great things of themselves. Wolitzer flashes back throughout the book to stories of the girls’ mothers. Although I felt these flashbacks interrupted the flow of the contemporary issues, they did provide a historical context and framework for the ways the girls were shaped, purposely and unwittingly, by their mothers’ struggle for equality.

Perhaps most refreshing about this novel is the complete absence of judgment in the stay-at-home v. working mom debate. Instead, Wolitzer seamlessly addresses a larger dilemma: even in this day and age, women (particularly mothers) are not in fact provided equal opportunities or equal expectations. Society’s mindset may have changed, but the system in which it operates has not. That neither the author, nor the characters, has a simplistic answer authenticates the story, because as we know, there just isn’t one.

This book is exceptionally good. As I was reading, I felt a keen sense of recognition. It is one of those reads that encourages the use of post-it notes and highlighters. It is rich with short passages that illuminate the heart’s struggle to live up to our own expectations, to balance the fullness of being as we are with the hope of being more, and to maintain that hope especially in the times of flux and transition that besiege us when we least expect it. No, it isn’t a light novel, but it is lush and savory, and upon finishing it, you will feel as if you have found a friend in Meg Wolitzer.

Reviewed by Kristin Benson

China Ghosts, a memoir written by journalist and father, Jeff Gammage, is about … well, China. (It is also about ghosts, primarily the kind that haunt one’s psyche.) In reading China Ghosts, we learn a little about Chinese history, culture and politics, and lot about his daughters, Jin Yu and Zhao Gu. While Gammage’s narrative takes us to China and back – twice — his story is really about the process of adopting girls from China. Except that it is not.

Thinking that I would be reading about another parent’s journey into parenthood – what I’d expected to be a much different journey from my own – I instead found a touching account of something so few parents are able to articulate: how we fall in love with our children. In surprising bursts of intimate and heartfelt language, Gammage is able to communicate both his love for his daughters and the deep and engulfing sense of responsibility that he has to them. He writes that many parents reduce their experiences to clichés (but that clichés are clichés because they are true). Fortunately, he is able to avoid this fate by artfully articulating both the gravity and levity of parenthood. While there is much about the relationship between Gammage and his daughters that is unique – for example, my father did not spend enormous amounts of time, energy, and resources in an attempt to track down the smallest clue about my first days of life – the strength of the book comes from how he translates these specifics into commonalities. Its strength lies in its resonance.

There is a scene toward the end of the film Children of Men in which the faint cries of a newborn are able to arrest the movement and hearts of a swarm of armed soldiers. While contextually and artistically worlds apart, this scene communicates a sentiment echoed in China Ghosts: our children hold the power to transform us, to make us better people, and, for this, we owe them the world.

Reviewed by Erin Kirkland

I’m ready to stop reading the newspaper altogether. Headlines scream fearful preludes to violence, treachery, and dishonesty that make it difficult to believe sensible people inhabit this big blue marble. Global events have terrified and disgusted us, and shaped how we perceive the leadership of our local, state, and national governments. Enter author Gina Bennett and “National Security Mom“.

Bennett, a 20-year veteran of the U.S. Intelligence community with special emphasis on counterterrorism, describes for us in a nutshell our greatest threat to national security policies; us.  Fear, suspicion, and the rapid unraveling of “security”, both as policy and concept, spurred Bennett to look closer at mothering and governing.  “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”, “Life is not a fairy tale”, “Choose your friends wisely”. Ponder to the mantras that we as mothers have repeated to our children over and over, apply it to America‘s current governing bodies, and you might see things a bit differently.

Since the U.S. is still floating in the wake of events surrounding September 11th, 2001, Gina Bennett’s candor and blunt realism for what she sees as absolutes for our nation’s success seems too simple at first. But as the book unfolds, page after page of real-life-parenting and real-world intelligence assignments gently lead us towards Bennnett’s theory that “going soft” will make American strong.

Most striking is Bennett’s comparison of national security and the family unit. Indeed, a family’s security “flows from the ability to retain the love and respect family members show each other…” Is this not the basis for the golden rule that children the world over are taught even before their ABC’s? Should not U.S. leaders, as global citizens and parents, be practicing what they have preached as they navigate policy in a world that now appears ready to seize our very souls?

Bennett also addresses the very real sense of fear prevalent since 9-11. Fear is, as anyone who has traveled by air since that day knows, everywhere. It is in our laptops, our shoes, and our cell phones. It resonates through children struggling to understand the departure of a parent to a far off desert. It consumes if we allow it.

The distance between fear and freedom is short. Bennett states, and quite correctly, that terrorists like Osama bin Laden cannot win unless we hand over our freedom; and to do that, we would have to give in to fear. But we are human, too, and Bennett, like all of us, is “tired of being afraid.”

America has the chance to be the ultimate in example-setting by showing respect for its citizens without compromising democratic ideals.  Knowing better than any of us that terrorism must not lead us down the rutted path of security obsession out of fear, Bennett concludes that our influence, if respectful, thoughtful, and candid, can extend to Asia, Africa, South America, and beyond. We are what we are exhibiting to the world. And this, she warns, must be clarified before we can go one step further in raising the bar as parents part of the collective, greater good.

Reviewed by Erin Kirkland

All parents of children with disabilities remember the moment of sobering prognosis for their son or daughter. Word that their child will never be “normal”, that every day of his or her life will be an exercise in patience and unconditional love. In the case of children living with Asperger Syndrome, 1 out of 150 mothers will know this feeling. Amalia Starr is one of them, and Brandon is her son.

Starr’s first book, “Raising Brandon” was born out of a desire for resources and information about her son’s Asperger Syndrome (AS) and a seizure disorder. Married, with one son already, Starr’s life changed drastically when Brandon made his appearance and led his family on a roller-coaster existence full of uncertainty and fear coupled with moments of absolute joy and contentment.

“Raising Brandon” is not a true biography of Starr’s family, rather, it is (and is marketed so) a trade publication designed for parents, educators and others who live and work with children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Starr drives home issues like diagnoses, support systems, and educational options through honest and straightforward witnessing of her own experiences. At the end of each chapter, Starr recaps with a short listing of bullet points, useful information pertinent to the message.

Brandon and Amalia are clearly the main focus of this story; mothers, after all, are often the primary caregivers to children with AS. They are the advocates, the personal care attendants, the cheerleaders, and the rabblerousers who have their work cut out for them. Starr makes neither apologies nor excuses for her quest to find Brandon the most optimal situations for schooling, medical support, and eventually, independent living.

Starr also reminds us that other family members are affected by a disabled child. A subsequent failed marriage led Amalia through her own private hell during which time self-doubt and utter despair nearly prevailed. Moreover, Starr’s other son must, at times unwillingly, assist his mother and deals with his own emotional backlash as the brother of the “weird kid”.

By the end of the book, we join Starr in celebrating Brandon’s ultimate ability to manage his Asperger Syndrome and seizures. Living alone in an apartment with the support of case workers and vocational resources, Brandon deserves cheers all around for his accomplishments. Starr has progressed as well, coming to the realization that she, like all parents, must nurture her son’s desire to spread his wings and fly, however clumsily.

As a resource for parents currently supporting a child with AS, Starr’s book provides not just valuable information, but also comfort, seeing the adolescent and young adult years with realistic, honest insight. Parents will also relate to vignettes that perhaps mirror their own experiences, of great relief.

While there are flashier, trendier books available today profiling the lives, successes, and challenges of people with AS, “Raising Brandon” is a solid option for parents and teachers who may be interested in another perspective and another way of helping a child adapt to a world that appears foreign to him or her. It is a book of quiet hope.

I ought to know. I’m one of those 1 in 150 moms.

Erin Kirkland is a freelance writer from Anchorage, Alaska. You can read about her family’s journey through Asperger Syndrome at www.elituqakbrady.blogspot.com .

The Sneaky Chef: How to Cheat on Your Man (In the Kitchen)
By Missy Chase Lapine
Reviewed by Erin Kirkland

Dispelling the myth that men eat everything, Missy Chase Lapine expands her repertoire of food science in “Sneaky Chef: How to Cheat on Your Man (In the Kitchen). Proving that children aren’t the only ones who forego healthy meals, Lapine speaks to women with partners who won’t eat beyond their comfort zone. Wasting no time in reaching the heart of the matter, so to speak, Lapine hits below expanding waistlines with blunt honesty; Chapter 1 is titled “Eat, Drink-and Live to Tell About it”. Ouch.

Before jumping headlong into a book of recipes appealling to the male palate, Lapine offers some insight into the Food = Fuel psyche of our beloved better halves. Most men, according to Lapine, like to eat familiar, tasty dishes they have eaten a thousand times before. Trouble is, that “meat and potatoes” mentality offers few opportunities for adding the recommended numbers of fruits and veggies into the man-diet. Add that to the decline in exercise nationwide, and Lapine rests her case, offering statistics for the increase in heart disease, Type 2 Diabetes, and other afflictions directly related to the above.

So, what’s a good wife/girlfriend to do? Jump on in to Sneaky Chef’s plethora of recipes and strategies created by Missy Lapine and her army of assistants and feed your man using secret stashes of pureed goop. Delve a little deeper and a treasure trove of appetizers, main dishes, sides, desserts and even drinks are at the reader’s fingertips. Special note: I was not completely convinced of the goop (or the book’s) value, so I put recipes to a test with a Nutritionist friend as we co-hosted a dinner using Secret Chef recipes on our unsuspecting families. I am a lazy cook, so the thought of pre-creating secret ingredients seemed daunting. However, results were impressive.

Serving up Mighty Mashed Potatoes, BBQ Maximun Meatloaf, and Feel-Good Fruit Crisp took a bit of preparation, given that the White and Purple purees needed to be made, but the whopping nutritional value of each made up for time spent. Who’d have thunk that a mixture of spinach and blueberries would give meatloaf a depth never before experienced. Did the crew eat it? A hearty “Yum” accompanied the whole dinner, save for a child who wouldn’t eat meatloaf and can spot Sneaky Techniques a mile away.

Our main gripe was the lack of cross-referencing between the purees and recipes; Lapine listed the recipes used for each puree but neglected to provide page numbers, making for constant flipping back and forth trying to find the appropriate concoction. The book is a big one, chock full of information, almost too full. Tips, stories, and tons of ideas for feeding the family are within pages that might benefit from a slightly leaner version.

But as with her first Sneaky Chef success, “How to Cheat on Your Man” generally delivers. The recipes are solid and tasty, and heck, who couldn’t benefit from some added nutrients to old favorites? I now have a bunch of baggies containing frozen green, white, and purple stuff that no doubt will come in handy for future cooking pursuits, and I am proud of myself for doing so. I say if your man won’t eat much beyond barbeque and fast-food, go for it. It can only help, and might give some perspective to overall nutrition in your house.

Erin Kirkland is a freelance writer from Anchorage, Alaska, with one picky eater among a family of four. She considers herself fortunate.

UPDATE: This book is now the August AND September Online Book Club of the Month pick! Apparently, too many vacations, summer camps, etc. keeping mamas away from this heavier read during the last month of summer. Understood :). So the kidlets are back in school, and it’s time to get reading! Especially with the election coming up! Read this book, leave a comment, and enter to win our Aug/Sept Book Club GIVEAWAY: Custom monogram notecards and a custom frame by Munchkin Designs! (See photos at the bottom of the post)